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Illustration for article titled 1 Right Way And 6 Very Wrong Ways To Pour A Guinness On St. Patrick’s Day

St. Patrick’s Day is coming up and that means it’s time for a Guinness. But before the big day arrives, you should know there’s only one correct way to pour a perfect pint. So here are six very wrong ways and one right way to pour a Guinness this St. Patrick’s Day.

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1. Into your open hands

Wrong. Sure, due to its nitrogen bubbles, Guinness has a wonderful, smooth feel that would give your fingers a delightful sensation, but under no circumstances should you pour the premium draught into your open hands. Not only do your fingers have gaps between them which would lead to spillage, but your hands are covered germs and grime that will affect the delicious flavor of Guinness Draught.

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2. Over the course of a month and a half

Wrong. This is far too slow. Not only will the Guinness lose optimum temperature and nitrogenation, but taking a month and a half away from your work and home life will undoubtedly lead to serious ramifications. The perfect pour should only take 119.5 seconds.

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3. Between the legs

Nope! This is no time for showboating. I’m sure you think you pour the perfect pint between your legs to impress your friends and family, and hell, you might actually be able to pull it off but the risk of spilling just isn’t worth the reward. Save the flashy stuff for a glass of water.

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4. Into the pocket of your cargo shorts

Super wrong. First off, pockets are not for liquids. End of story. Plus the logistics of physically drinking out of your shorts pocket must be extremely difficult. A shirt pocket, maybe, but not shorts. Secondly, you need to throw those baggy things out, my dude. You’ve probably had them since sophomore year and they look like they’ve been through war. We recommend a slim chino short.

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5. Telekinetically

Wrong. Pouring a Guinness with your hands requires very little effort so this is just plain lazy. Save your telekinetic powers for something positive like floating a tissue over someone’s nose as they sneeze or throwing someone’s backpack off the subway seat so an elderly woman can sit down.

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6. Into a bunch of thimbles you found on the sidewalk

Wrong. And, also why?

7. Find the correct Guinness glass. Tilt it at 45 degrees precisely. Then pull the tap, filling to the harp. Let it settle, then finish with the top-up.

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Correct! This is the only way to pour the perfect pint. Sláinte!

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